You know,
1) How can I know my cels have flaws if nobody 
ever points them out, but only babbles mindless 
praise all the fricken time?
2) Improving is nice, but wastes materials. 
Hence, I CANNOT afford practicing! Everything 
MUST succeed at the first attempt.
3) I did get motivated by criticism once, but 
understand that the motivation is scarce when I 
realize "I lost to a scribble - my skill is below 
scribbles".
4) After 4 years no progress = Hopeless
5) There are ppl better than me = I suck
6) I've had NO success at all xept some fools 
buying my junk on eBay because they smoked 
something bad.

But all this defeat has brought me back to where 
I was a year ago: a realist knowing that her 
stuff sucks. All the sudden confidence and joy 
over my stuff where illusions brought through the 
parties I suddenly joined: all my boys blow, and 
their sidestream smoke affected my brain. Hence I 
built up some false confidence, but now my brain 
seems to be sober again and I see reality again. 
This reality is: everything I do sucks and I know 
no joy.